When we found out I was pregnant, we laughed. We realized we’d have 3 kids under 2 years old!
Nothing about growing our family has gone as we’d planned so of course as we were making plans to wait to add to our bunch, God laughed. I’m thankful-after everything we went through to get the girls (multiple rounds of fertility drugs and scans and testing, 5 IUI’s, and finally IVF). Being able to get pregnant unexpectedly was and still is a HUMONGOUS blessing. And, as a woman it’s restored my faith in my own body-it didn’t fail me after all. As excited as I am though, I can’t help but be a little bit anxious as well.
Having infant twins was far from easy.
It’s never been something I’d classify as “easy”, but as they’ve grown we’ve gotten into a groove (a fast-paced, never sit down or going the same direction kind of groove, but a groove nonetheless). Even in this groove though, there are days that keeping 2 toddlers happy, healthy, fed, relatively clean, learning, and challenged takes everything out of me-how am I supposed to have more to give to a newborn? The thing that makes me most anxious is worrying about whether or not I will be enough for all of them (and my rockstar husband too of course). Since it hasn’t been that long since we’ve had newborns in the house I remember what the sleep deprivation felt like. How in the world am I supposed to recover from waking up with one little boy and still be able to chase around his sisters? And, speaking of chasing-I’m having a c-section, my 18 month old, 25 pound girls aren’t going to understand that mommy can’t pick them up and that is going to break my heart; especially when they see me snuggling this new baby. It seems like everyday now that we’re nearing the end I have another little fear pop up and I can’t help but hear that voice in my head: Am I going to be enough? I just want them all to have the best childhood possible, to be happy, and to know, beyond a doubt that they are so wanted and loved.
After I quiet that annoying voice, I force myself to remember a time when I wasn’t sure if we were going to be able to have babies at all. Here we will be with 3 healthy babies we get the privilege to call ours. There was a time when I wasn’t sure how we’d do it with twins, but here we are, almost a year and a half later and everyone is alive and thriving. And, as that anxious voice subsides my logical side kicks in:
Yes, it will be tough sometimes; it won’t be all smiles, and things might get messy once in a while, but you can do this-you will find a way to be ENOUGH, maybe not every day, but most days. Let go and let God guide!