Where is this place you ask? Well, the journey is somewhat long. It starts on the Road to Conception. Then, you spend 9 months in a cabin on the Pregnancy Cruise Line. The brochures show happy people who are having the time of their lives. They lie. You will be sea sick, nauseous, need to pee constantly, and forced to share a tiny cabin with a stranger who kicks and stretches and punches you in the ribs.
Next, you dock at the port of Labor and Delivery. Some people spend days here. Others spend just minutes. Either way, that stranger you just roomed with for the last 9 months will decide to get out and explore the outside world . They will leave you sore, exhausted, and in an inordinate amount of pain. But somewhere during this epic battle, you fall madly in love with that stranger. They become the only other person in the world. You forgive all of the punching, kicking, tearing, and pushing. You tell them that you will never leave them, always protect them, never let them experience any pain.
Now, you and the love of your life embark on the next leg of your journey. You rent a car and merge onto New Parent Boulevard. This road is difficult to navigate. There is no map and there are no road signs. You have to rely on your own directional instincts. Although, many people do stop and ask for directions. Getting lost is common. Google will become your new best friend. But eventually you will learn your way around and feel confident enough to venture onward.
You drive the short jaunt to Toddler Town. This town is unique. In this town, everyone only knows one word – “no”. They all think that they are experts in every field but have no actual knowledge. They fight for independence but are still not skilled enough to function on their own. It is frustratingly ironic.
Your journey is almost over. Toddler Town is the last stop before The Land of Tantrums. You just need to hop on the “I Do It Myself” Bridge and you have made it. You are finally in the magical land of screaming, biting, hitting, and kicking. The land where everyone is grumpy and no one sleeps. The land where time out is worse than jail. The land where people are accosted for providing a delicious meal on the wrong color plate. You have made it. You are here. Enjoy your stay.
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