I felt like taking out an ad that read:
I want to live more fully and explore the world of motherhood with a few close friends—any takers?
Because motherhood can be lonely, I decided to write a letter instead.
Hi Nolan’s mom and dad…
Scratch that too hetero-normative-you know better, Becka. Maybe it is two moms or two dads? How about this…
Hi Nolan’s parents…
Oh, wait that is plural which implies there are two parents, lots of kids only have one parent. Sheesh, I’d feel much better about this whole thing if I just had Nolan’s last name to do a little googling to get my bearings.
Hi? It is cheery, welcoming, and all-inclusive. Yeah, I’ll go with that. “Hi!”
The Letter
Hi!
We are new to the neighborhood (is two years still new…maybe a slight exaggeration; no big deal…right?) and we are looking for play dates for our boys (let’s be honest, I’m the one who needs the play date). I’ve noticed that Avery and Elliot talk about Nolan quite a bit and I often see them playing together when I pick up the boys (it’s a bonus that our kids like each other, but it is definitely not a prerequisite for adult friends). I think it would be fun to get the boys together outside of daycare. Maybe a park play date?
We have pretty flexible weekends (who am I kidding we are wide open on the weekends, but I can’t sound desperate).
Feel free to text or call me!
Casual Friend Needed
After nearly two years in Omaha, with little luck making new friends, this is the note I placed in Nolan’s daycare cubby (and for the purpose of this blog—you get the addition of my internal dialogue).
In that moment, I was vulnerable and most importantly, I was honest with myself. Making adult friends after children is difficult.
My friendships changed once the boys were born. Shortly after the dust settled of having two newborns, I began to feel a void. I longed for someone who really got me, who would not pass judgment and someone who would engage in real honest conversations about the struggles of motherhood. I wanted someone who would keep it light and breezy and not criticize my diminishing vocabulary and the mush of a mom brain that sits between my ears. I yearned for someone to make me laugh so hard that my unflattering mom-curves jiggled and bounced.
I wanted a no-frills, fast, casual kind of friend. You know, the friends that don’t require you to wear real pants, chipped toenail paint is acceptable, and being perpetually sticky is a way of life.
That day, I put my faith in the thought that maybe Nolan’s mom wanted a friend too. Maybe she was feeling the same.
That day turned out to be a pivotal moment in my life as a mom.
It was that day that I realized there was no shame in being upfront and honest with myself.
Resut of my Bravery
Nolan’s mom and I have had a few play dates and birthday parties since that note and found that we were able to relate on many topics. We are both Omaha transplants and working moms who grew up in Iowa. The risk was worth it.
How do you find mom friends?
this post was originally published in 2019.
I’m a recent Omaha transplant from Iowa too and thoroughly enjoyed reading this. Thank you for sharing! I don’t ever remember being as insecure as I’ve been trying to make new (mom) friendships as an adult. What gives??!
CJ, Welcome to Omaha! Historically I’ve been able to meet and make friends very easily but for some reason post kids it was much more difficult and honestly a little scarier. I think it’s because making friends can be daunting and time consuming (what mom has extra time?) and the fear of a friendship not working out after all that energy and time is a little defeating. So I would just talk myself out of making the effort….until I boldly wrote a note to a Daycare mom. I believe in you-you for this! Thanks for reading.