I felt like taking out an ad that read:
I want to live more fully and explore the world of motherhood with a few close friends—any takers?
Because motherhood can be lonely, I decided to write a letter instead.
Hi Nolan’s mom and dad… Scratch that too hetero-normative-you know better, Becka. Maybe it is two moms or two dads? How about this…
Hi Nolan’s parents… Oh wait that is plural which implies there are two parents, lots of kids only have one parent. Sheesh, I’d feel much better about this whole thing if I just had Nolan’s last name to do a little googling to get my bearings.
Hi? It is cheery, welcoming, and all inclusive. Yeah, I’ll go with that. “Hi!”
We are new to the neighborhood (is two years still new…maybe a slight exaggeration; no big deal…right?) and we are looking for play dates for our boys (let’s be honest, I’m the one who needs the play date). I’ve noticed that Avery and Elliot talk about Nolan quite a bit and I often see them playing together when I pick up the boys (it’s a bonus that our kids like each other but it is definitely not a prerequisite for adult friends). I think it would be fun to get the boys together outside of daycare. Maybe a park play date?
We have pretty flexible weekends (who am I kidding we are wide open on the weekends, but I can’t sound desperate).
Feel free to text or call me!
Casual Friend Needed
After nearly two years in Omaha, with little luck making new friends, this is the note I placed in Nolan’s daycare cubby (and for the purpose of this blog- you get the addition of my internal dialogue).
In that moment, I was vulnerable and most importantly, I was honest with myself. Making adult friends after children is difficult.
My friendships changed once the boys were born. Shortly after the dust settled of having two newborns, I began to feel a void. I longed for someone who really got me, who would not pass judgement, and someone who would engage in real honest conversation about the struggles of motherhood. I wanted someone who would keep it light and breezy, and not criticize my diminishing vocabulary, and the mush of a mom brain that sits between my ears. I yearned for someone to make me laugh so hard that my unflattering mom curves jiggled and bounced.
I wanted a no frills, fast, casual kind of friend. You know, the friends that don’t require you to wear real pants, chipped toenail paint is acceptable, and being perpetually sticky is a way of life.
That day, I put my faith in the thought that maybe Nolan’s mom wanted a friend too. Maybe she was feeling the same. That day turned out to be a pivotal moment in my life as a mom. It was that day that I realized there was no shame in being upfront and honest with myself.
Result of my Bravery
Nolan’s mom and I have had a few play dates and birthday parties since that note and found that we were able to relate on many topics. We are both Omaha transplants and working moms who grew up in Iowa. The risk was worth it. Have you found yourself doing similar things to get new friends after becoming a mother? Let us know in the comments.