From the moment we see those magical two lines on the pregnancy test, our mind goes in so many directions, but we rarely think about the fourth trimester. We think about the health of the baby, surviving nausea or morning sickness, cravings, and discomforts during the first trimester. Then, in the second and third trimesters, our focus shifts to maternity clothes, nursery decor, baby showers, birth plans, diapers, feeding choices, and ultimately snuggling that baby.
All this was especially true when I was pregnant with my firstborn. I had these grand visions of donning my supermom cape, breastfeeding with ease in my pre-pregnancy clothes, cleaning my house with all my free time, and having hot meals on the table by the time my husband got home from work. Ha ha. I know, right?
What was I thinking?
The Fourth Trimester is so hard.
Once he was born, I realized that surviving the fourth trimester is a real thing. My visions were nowhere near reality. Breastfeeding (and all the challenges that go with it), lack of sleep, and trying to figure out when I’d shower or eat were huge hurdles every day. Let’s not gloss over the recovery and healing from delivery—transitioning to life as a new mom is just plain hard.
Once I got to baby number four, I had finally (kinda) gotten the hang of surviving the fourth trimester. I knew it would be hard—but even then I was still humbled.
Here are my favorite tips I learned about surviving the fourth trimester.
Accept the help.
This was one of the hardest things for me to grasp. I’m really independent, and I rarely ask people for help. However, when I had baby #4, I had some postpartum health issues that landed me in the hospital when he was less than 2 weeks old. Luckily, we had some awesome friends and family that helped with carpools and caring for our older kids. People brought us food. One of my dear friends even brought me coffee and graciously cleaned my bathroom when she came to visit. 15 years ago with my first son, I would have declined all of this. With my 4th, I wasn’t afraid to accept help.
Take your postpartum feelings seriously.
The fourth trimester doesn’t just affect you physically. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help if you’re not feeling well emotionally. The fourth trimester brings a huge wave of emotions and feelings, and so many new moms suffer in silence with their mental health. Make the phone call to your doctor or midwife. They can lead you in the best direction for you and your family to make sure you receive the help you need.
I’ve known friends who struggled through some of the most precious moments in their newborn babies lives because they didn’t seek help. If you’re hesitant to reach out to a professional, start with your partner or a close friend, and let them know you need help.
Plan meals for yourself and your family.
After baby #2, I learned that you still actually have to feed your older children while you’re in the depths of caring for a newborn. I prepped a few frozen meals ahead of time, starting when I was about 35 weeks along. Don’t go all out and spend hours in the kitchen to do this. I simply made double batches of a few meals (lasagna, chili, chicken noodle soup, pre-marinated chicken and pork, taco meat, or whatever your family faves are).
Of course, this partially falls under the previous survival tip of accepting help. If people offer to bring you food, take them up on it! I was hesitant to agree to a Mealtrain with baby #3 because I didn’t want to put anyone out. However, the meals that our friends shared with us in the early days of our babies were some of the most amazing ones I’ll ever remember. It meant I could focus on my baby and older kids and their activities without trying to cook every night. It’s become one of my favorite things to do for friends that have babies because I know how much it helped us.
If breastfeeding isn’t going as planned, get help right away.
I still don’t know how I managed to nurse my first kiddo successfully, other than how determined I was to make it work. He was a slower gainer and it hurt so bad for the first few weeks. 15 years ago, lactation consultants were harder to come by and so expensive. Eventually, I got the hang of things, nursed a few more kids, and thought I would be a total pro by baby #4.
As luck would have it, I had the hardest experience with my youngest. Thankfully, I reached out for help and saw a lactation consultant when he was 2 weeks old. Nowadays, most insurance plans cover this expense and honestly saved our breastfeeding relationship. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Omaha has a ton of breastfeeding resources. If you decide that breastfeeding isn’t for you, that’s ok too. Just be sure you make a decision that will make you happy.
Make self care a priority through the fourth trimester.
Take a shower. Brush your teeth. Put on clean clothes—every day. It’s amazing how taking a precious 30 minutes a day to do these simple things can make you feel like a human again. If it’s nice outside, put the baby in a carrier and go for a walk to get some fresh air.
Also, make yourself a feeding station. Whether you’re nursing or bottle-feeding, mama has to eat too. I had snacks, water, chapstick, and tissues next to our recliner in the living room, and next to our bed. Once you sit down to feed the baby, fuel yourself!
While we’re on self-care, sleep when the baby sleeps. I know this sounds cliché and almost impossible while juggling everything else in life. However, I needed to catch up on rest that I was missing out on at night in order to function. Enlist your spouse or partner or even your older kids to help with household chores for a few weeks. Communicate that to them.
Don’t be afraid to set boundaries.
People love to visit and hold the baby. I almost always loved having the company…in short doses. Personally, I drew the line at house guests. My opinion might be unpopular, but it helped me survive the fourth trimester.
I cringe when new moms-to-be talk about having family stay for days at a time when they get home from the hospital to “help.” Too many times, I hear stories of visitors that hold the baby while the new parents host, cook, and clean for them. You might feel differently and welcome this, but if not, it’s ok to say no if you don’t want people crashing your house.
I’m a private person, and I need to be “off” for a while in order to recharge. Juggling the demands of a fourth-trimester schedule is hard enough. Don’t feel obligated to host anyone overnight (including your own parents—mine graciously stayed in a hotel when we lived afar!). Entertaining out of town visitors overnight (and all the hours surrounding) was off the table for me. I’m not mean, I just know my breaking point—hosting overnight guests would have broken me.
Surviving the fourth trimester is hard.
However, if you plan in advance, communicate your wishes, and accept help when you need it, it can be one of the most beautiful experiences ever.
