Recently, I have been thinking about the word “fat”. I have had two specific interactions with my 6-year-old that have led me to thinking more and more about this word and how to approach it as a mom, especially a mom of three daughters.
The encounter
The first encounter happened about two months after my oldest started Kindergarten. I was putting her to bed and we were talking about all of her new friends at school. She is my social butterfly, and she loves everyone she meets. It is very rare she says a mean word about anyone. She was talking about a certain friend and she started a sentence, she said, “Mom, she is so loud and she is also Fa”…and she stopped herself.
(I tried to stay calm. How do I approach this?)
I then told her to finish her sentence and she would not be in trouble (I knew what she was going to say). So she said it, the 3 letter word that no mom wants her daughter to say. “‘Mom, she is so loud she is FAT.”
I responded with “First, we do not use that word in that way, it is unkind. We’re all different shapes, sizes, and colors. Wouldn’t it be boring if we all looked the exact same?” I also explained that people can change, they can get bigger, smaller, and taller as they grow. I then went on to say that if she heard anyone using this word in that way to tell them that they should stop and that it is a mean word. Then her next comment made me realize just how innocent kids can be.
“Well Mom, will she always be loud?” I laughed out loud at that one.
Kids are always listening
The second encounter made me realize that not only are kids always listening to what we say but that I need to be aware of the words I am using.
About a month ago, I went through Starbucks to order my usual. A grande, non-fat, hazelnut latte. Unfortunately what I got was a mocha which I have never liked. As I drove off I took a drink and playfully went, “Yuck this is not my drink.” My daughter then said to me “Mom, do you not like the drink because there is fat in it?”
WHAT???
Why would she say that?? I told her “No, I just do not like the flavor they put in there; they gave me the wrong one, no big deal.” I didn’t know if I needed to explain more or if she would understand. So I left that one alone.
Fat is not an enemy
Fat is no longer the enemy like it once was. There are good fats and bad fats and some that I just love eating anytime I can..ahem..bacon. Your body needs good fats in moderation and no longer should we be aggressively checking labels looking for the fat content.
This interaction made me realize that she hears ALL the words I am using. Non fat, skinny, sugar free…and that I need to be careful, even when ordering coffee, to be aware that she IS listening.
How can I tell her not to use a word when I use it to order my coffee? It is a slippery slope and context is important.
My Truth
I educate my daughters on these issues. I live by example. I work out on a regular basis (remember my Pure Barre obsession), I make sure they know what healthy foods are, but I also enjoy dessert (gummy bears) and let them see me enjoying my dessert. I do not want them to think food is bad; I want them to understand. I want them to be kind, I do not want them to talk about people in a negative way. Treat people for who they are not what they look like. Be in control of yourself and your action and do not let other people’s choices affect yours. That is what I am teaching my daughters.
And now when ordering my latte I say “A grande, skim milk, hazelnut latte.” (Just in case anyone is listening.)
