Choosing breast milk to feed a baby is such a personal decision. I knew even at a young age that when I became a mother, I wanted to breastfeed my children. What I also didn’t know was how challenging it would be to follow through with this decision and work full-time with very sensitive skin.
Natural does not mean easy
I always felt how natural it was to nurse my baby. Natural, however, does not equate to easy — not by a long shot. As a first time mom, all I really knew about breastfeeding was that a baby needed a good latch to get some milk. Great! After about half an hour of being born, my son latched on pretty well. The best agreement I made while in the hospital was to meet with a lactation consultant. She taught me different ways to hold the baby and so much more in a short amount of time. Did I remember all of it? Nope. The next best decision on this journey was going to as many free weekly group meetings to ask questions and get help.
I went pretty regularly the first couple of months. Even though I thought I had it all figured out, something would come up or change my pretty little schedule and I would be lost all over again. One of my biggest hurdles was preparing for going back to work full-time. I was fortunate in being able to stay home with my little one for 12 weeks, but those last few weeks were pretty stressful. I had seen all those photos floating around the internet of moms with gallons of breastmilk in their deep freezer. Here I was with just a few 6-ounce bags. I was never fully against formula feeding, but I did want to do my very best at providing breastmilk for my son. That meant getting to know the pump.
The pump – Every working mom’s unavoidable tool
Everything was going well until I needed to start pumping breastmilk. My sensitive skin, this pump’s flanges, and all the organic natural nipple creams available just did not jive. I didn’t know this then, but the flanges were the cause of irritation and eczema that made it almost unbearable to pump. But pump away I did until my son was 6 months old. I sat in the lactation room five days a week while at work and even pumped on the weekend to try and save some milk. I’d get excited with three or even four ounces of milk. I knew it wasn’t enough. So we supplemented what we had during the day and nursed at night.
By the time I learned that olive oil was my best bet to serve as both a nipple cream and lubricant for pumping, it was too late. My milk supply had already tanked and my ambition went with it. I embraced formula feeding and found comfort in knowing that I did my best with breastfeeding. Fortunately, he always transitioned quite well between breast and bottle, breastmilk and formula. If it was food, he would eat it.
Second Chances
Fast-forward two years later and I found myself with another little newborn hungry for life. I felt that the second time around my body just knew what to do. Milk supply came in just fine and we didn’t have to supplement while she was jaundice. I got a new pump with my olive oil on hand and I was set. I even collected the couple of ounces that would leak and froze that, too. Aside from the sleepless nights I knew were ahead, I felt at least breastfeeding and pumping would be a breeze this time. Girl, I was so wrong!
The first couple of months went smoothly enough. My milk supply was good and I was proud to have a chunky little baby. I spent enough time preparing myself to return to work that I didn’t realize how challenging it would be to prepare the baby for daycare. Unlike her older brother, she refused to be bottle fed by anyone. The last thing a pumping mom wants is to waste breastmilk. And there we were, watching a couple ounces at a time go down the drain because we couldn’t freeze it anymore. Needless to say, it was a frustrating and scary time. Luckily, she finally accepted the bottle the weekend before starting daycare.
Mastitis, clogged ducts, and more!
I had my first bout of mastitis during maternity leave. After a few days on antibiotics, I was all cleared up and hoped I wouldn’t have to go through that again. But it didn’t end there. In fact, I would say that almost the entire time I was nursing my daughter, I either had clogged ducts, milk blisters, or both at the same time! A couple more months down the line, and I had another round of mastitis. For almost a year I would wake up four hours before work just to squeeze in an extra pump session. Sure, there were moments I asked myself if all the pain and time was worth investing in all this liquid gold. There were even times I envied mothers who worked from home or who were stay-at-home moms. To me, breastfeeding a baby was easy once the baby and I got the hang of it. Trying to produce enough milk while I was away from my baby –that was a challenge.
Even the right words can’t describe the amount of joy I felt knowing I did my best to provide what I felt was best for my child. Through all the struggles, early mornings and late nights, washing bottles and pump parts, I would do it all over again without a doubt.
