Over ten years ago, when my best friend had her beautiful twin baby girls, I had NO idea how to be a good mom friend to her, especially since I wasn’t a mom (yet).
I was at the hospital for the birth of her babies and visited at said hospital during their NICU stay. Of course, when they came home, I would be sure to stop in and visit frequently. When the girls were five months old, I took a job in Colorado, taking me several hundred miles away from my friend and her babies. Our relationship never wavered, and I made sure to call her every day, even if it was just to check in on her.
As the twins quickly became toddlers, and they demanded more attention from their mama, I had trouble understanding why my friend would soon let me go after we just started a gossip session on the latest episode of the Bachelor. At the same time, the girls were crying in the background. Until I was a parent, I just didn’t get it.
Every friendship goes through its own ups and downs, and we have been through our fair share. We have been through weddings and divorces together, and sometimes we didn’t always see eye to eye. At times we were just stubborn. What I didn’t realize is that while I used to get upset over her not answering the phone, or in my mind not putting effort into our friendship, I now realize that she was just being the best mom friend she could be while trying to juggle her growing family. When she couldn’t answer the phone at the moment I called, or she forgot to call me back the following day because she had been up all night not feeding one, but two baby girls . . .
IT WAS NOT INTENTIONAL.
She always intended to be the best friend she could be, and that’s what matters. Sometimes, although it appears as mothers that we have it all together on social media, it’s just not the case. Being a good mom, a good friend, and a right partner, and trying to do ALL the things during certain seasons of life is just more than we can handle day in and day out.
Fast forward to 2016 . . . she was knee-deep raising four babes, and we were both pregnant at the same time. She was having her fifth baby (another girl), and I was having my first. We ended up having our kids exactly one week apart! She is my go-to for all things mom-related, especially when it comes to shopping frugally for food, and she sends me the best recipes.
We enjoy talks at least once a week while our daughters are at pre-school, but if we miss a week, we aren’t upset that the other couldn’t make the phone call happen and make sure to check in via text to ensure that the other is doing okay. Over the years, we have always seemed to pick up right where we left off.
Sometimes we get lost in the translation of being just a “mom” and lose our identity of ourselves. I know her greatest dream is being the best mom she can be, but what I hope she realizes is that I think she is the best at everything. My dearest mom friend never gives herself enough credit for all she does, but I aspire to be all the things she is.
Checking In on my Mom Friend
Now that I am a mama myself, I have let go of any and all expectations of my fellow mom friends. We all know that when the other doesn’t respond, it’s one of two things: we are cleaning up poop, or we are in dire need of a mental health day. If a day goes by without a response, just shoot a quick text and say, “I’m here if you need me.”
Being the best mom friend is at times just checking in on the other one or lifting each other up, which could be something as simple as giving your friend a compliment, telling them you are proud of them, or grabbing a cup of coffee for them. At the same time, you meet for a pedicure or a yoga class.
I value my mom friends, and everything each and every one of them brings not just to my life but my family’s well-being. I go to each of them individually for specific things. I couldn’t be the mom I am today without them.