It was the first snowfall. Fat, wet flakes pouring from the sky and accumulating quickly. The kind that after three inches can be rolled up like carpet and stacked high for forts and snowmen. The perfect kind for a snowball fight.
Neighbor kids gathered, all ages and sizes, willing participants and not. It never fails, someone who doesn’t want to play, gets snow in the face.
There was a, “No!” followed by a, “Stop it!” The snowballs kept flying. It didn’t take long for the tears to fall and the upset child to pull me – mom – into the mix.
Leave the Situation. Tell an Adult.
At one point, this process was commonly referred to as being a tattle-tale. But think about it. What do we teach our children? No means no and stop means stop. Period. No matter what. No matter the context. When the instigator doesn’t stop, leave the situation, and tell an adult. Like a well-trained five-year-old, she did just that.
I know. It’s just snow. For you inquiring minds, I handled it like snow. I reiterated to all the children that we don’t throw snow in faces. Backs, bottoms, and arms are all acceptable; faces are not. I addressed this first, because that was the situation. I emphasized that no means no, stop means stop. As for the poor kid that threw the faceball, everyone outed him slicker than snot. I asked if he thought he needed to apologize. He responded that he already did, and everyone confirmed this. They went back to playing, the five-year-old followed me inside. I told her she handled the situation superbly.
Set Them Up for the Big Things
Here’s the thing. If we, as parents, are conscientious of how we handle and communicate the little things when they are little, it sets the precedent for the big things when they’re older. It doesn’t have to be much, a confirmation to the upset child that she handled things correctly suffices. Addressing the situation appropriately – it was snow, I talked about snow – makes it stick (pun intended). Yet, I also was able to incorporate a life lesson: Tell them to stop. Leave the situation. Get help if needed.
As parents, we want our children to come to us with the important stuff. The heavy stuff. The hard stuff. But first, we need to let them come to us with the easy stuff. I’m not encouraging parents to fight every battle for their child. Just help guide them; step in when necessary, step back when not. Give them the tools to be successful communicators by being an example of one.
Tips
Be a good listener. Listen not only to the words they say, but how they say them. Listen to their tone of voice and body language. Sometimes expressions say more than actual words.
Be available. If something is on their mind, they want to talk about it. Let them know you care about what they are working through.
Be honest. Answer questions truthfully. If it’s something not age-appropriate, tell them.
Be firm. When giving them an answer or decision, don’t waffle.
Don’t be condescending. Very little ends a conversation faster than a bad attitude. Being condescending is the parent equivalent to being a sassy kid.
Remember, children are still learning. Not every conversation and situation will lead to a life lesson. Take them when the come.
